Free

MichelleR

I was thinking about the phrase, “The Truth will set me free,” and I hope that is still true. In a time where we are constantly bombarded with “spin” and scripted reality-TV it can be hard to hear the truth over the propaganda, separate understanding from ego, and reject blind-obedience for scientific-method.

I find myself at a crossroads both in my physical health and spirit. Intuitively, I know they are connected. I am on a spiritual trajectory inwards and upwards to my highest self. Yet I am aware that I need to declare my independence from the image people may have of me, who they perceive me and want me to be. To disrobe my compliance for the sake of security. I need to be free, finally, at 50, to be myself. My health and heart require it too. And so here we are reader.

Who am I? – I am Crone. The wise one with scars seen and hidden, whose inner strength as been tested and found worthy. I am the one who loves my experienced life and body with quiet confidence. I am coach, champion and lover of my female clan. I no longer wish to compete or compare but instead to lift, support and inspire. I am not afraid to acknowledge the beauty of others and it does not diminish or negate my own. I am Mother. Fierce and tender; a forgiver of all transgression and singer of lullabies. My arms ready to cradle and hold my babes no matter what age or world they live in. A mother who wants a better world for her children than the one she lives in now. I want them to stop being sexually harassed and marginalized. I want them to feel safe and strong in a school room and a board room. I want them to receive equal pay, equal opportunities and equal rights. I want them to know that I will always support them and love them. Always. Which means:

  • I will celebrate and support their love with whoever they choose.
  • I will celebrate and support their career choices, whatever they decide to become.
  • I will celebrate and support their individual freedom to think for themselves, choose for themselves, and not place my beliefs and ideas as a guilt trip to carry until I am dead.
  • I will support and defend them, my fellow sisters and brothers, my LGBTQQIP2SAA friends and family, and any other oppressed and marginalized humans until we once again all feel free.

I have been afraid for a long-time that speaking in a public forum would bring the scorn and judgement that I have avoided since childhood. I expect some of you still reading this will unfriend me, and if it easy to be a friend when we agree but not when we disagree then the choice is easy. There are those of you who know me so well and already know this is who I am so this is no surprise. But it is not my job to be who you want me to be, I am being true to my calling and my purpose.

This will the last entry for the AZBlergBlog, and it is fitting that it be this one. Tomorrow is a new day. The 4th of July. And I am just beginning my freedom. There is so much more to come.

Free to be Me

I love where I come from and I love where I am heading. I love my age, wrinkles and body. I love my partner/husband/best friend. I love my daughters who are my soul and breath. I love God, my Angels, Ancestors and Guides. I love this beautiful Earth and connectedness of all living things. I love my drums, my incense, my crystals and yoga. I love the way I pray and the way I listen. I love my family, siblings, friends, and past. I love my family and friends and whoever they love. I love writing, manifesting, and positive mindset. I love oracle cards and reiki and hypnotherapy and alternative and indigenous healing arts. I love you as you read this judging me or supporting me. I love my life and I am free to be me.

A Watched Pot Does Boil

MichelleR

I know this because I just witnessed it while boiling water for tea a couple of days ago. I walked up to the stove just in time to feel these life lessons were meant for me at that exact moments.

  1. In order for the substance in the container to boil, consistent energy must be applied.
  2. The substance in the pot is not affected at the onset of the energy, in this case the water can still be touched by the finger without burning.
  3. This is where the old adage comes from: A watch pot never boils. In reality it only feels like that, because we are impatient. We want to see the end result without acknowledging the transition of the water in the pot, has already begun.
  4. Soon, at the places in closest contact with the energy source, small circles of air are forming, one at first then multiplying exponentially. Meanwhile, on the surface, it appears as if nothing is happening, the water appears unaffected.
  5. In time, with the energy source remaining consistent, the floor of the vessel is covered with bubbles, some even begin crawling up the sides.
  6. There is still an appearance that nothing is happening on the surface, but if you were to touch it, or able to see through the top layer, the activity that is about to take place would be evident. Certainly, if you were in that pot you would know a huge transformation is about to occur.
  7. In time, with the correct amount of time required given the heat/energy applied to the vessel and it’s contents, the first bubble releases from the bottom and floats the surface, exploding. It’s release touches another bubble next to it and it too leaves the bottom, rising to the top. The domino affect begins and shortly the vessel is alive and bubbling and transforming.
  8. If at any point you remove the vessel from it’s energy source, the process is halted, the transformation stinted. The longer it is away from the energy source, the longer it will take to return to where it was.
  9. The now boiling water is producing steam, which affects whatever is near it. The boiling water is able to transform whatever it comes into contact with, like tealeaves, pulling from them fragrance and flavor.

Silly thing to feel like I learned something while watching a pot of water boil. But it reminded me to stay with the energy that is being applied to right now. There is so much happening below the surface.

Over 1,000

MichelleR

1,095 to be exact. We’ve lived in Arizona now for over a thousand days and most of them great. Today marks the three year anniversary of loading up a Penske truck and driving our lives into the desert. Here are some of my favorite things about living here:

  • The people I have met. I am so grateful for the friendships so quickly cultivated here. They are already deeply rooted and treasured, like they were just waiting for me to arrive.
  • The cactus. I can name more kinds now than I ever knew existed and they are each indescribably beautiful in their own ways.
  • Sedona. It is my happy place, the place my spirit longs for, the minute I see those red rocks I feel my heart settle into a complimentary rhythm.
  • My dog Mango that I was finally able to get when we moved.
  • Tempe Town Lake and the plethera of things to do there.
  • The Phoenix Zoo and Papago Park.
  • World Wildlife Park and having dinner at Dillon’s with sharks.
  • The Herberger Theatre, for a multitude of reasons.
  • Driving to Ahwatukee to have Nikki do my hair.
  • P83 with the Ball Park and restaurants for days.
  • The proximity with which we are now available to both sets of parents and our aunt.
  • Having friends and family visit and exploring together.
  • Downtown Scottsdale.
  • The White Tanks and it’s trails.
  • The view of South Mountain on a clear day.
  • The view of the sun setting almost any day of the year.
  • Luke Air Force Base and the fighter jets that fly over regularly.
  • Our booth at the Brass Armadillo.
  • Creating a space for me to work on my spiritual journey complete with rattle, drum and sage.

While moving here was completely the right thing to do there are some things I miss still:

  • The smell of the theatre as I walk in the back door.
  • Seeing Jennifer every morning and sharing every detail of our lives together.
  • Messing with Colton and wondering where our bucket is and why he won’t try harder.
  • Hearing Jesse and Caleb’s laugh from the audience.
  • Mike Mechanick’s smile.
  • Yelling Tony’s name at the top of my lungs, for no reason at all.
  • Being able to see Laurie for our lunches and dinners.
  • Drunk Sundays with the worlds best neighbors.
  • Family dinners at Tom and Lori’s.
  • An only two and half hour drive to see Alex and Cory.
  • Driving to San Francisco just to have dinner and come back.
  • Being able to go to Napa, Sonoma and Calistoga for a day or a whole weekend to restock the wine frig.
  • New Year’s Eve parties and cast parties and birthday parties and every kind of party.
  • Writing or directing a show and seeing it come to life.
  • All my theatre kids.
  • Our volunteers who were more like family.
  • Being a short drive from everyplace I’ve gone to school or lived.
  • Knowing my favorite grocery stores and their layouts.

Now all this is not to say that I have traded one thing for the other. I don’t feel that way at all. I feel that there are times when our lives are outwardly, visibly in motion. Where we are seen and our impact is felt by many on a large scale. And then as the Wheel of Life portends, there are times when we retreat into a dormant, restorative phase. A phase of healing, incubation and ripening. I am blissfully a part of the later, but only for a time. I feel my phoenix rising and rebirth already begun. The desert is a beautiful place to be transformed.

The Heart of My Matter

MichelleR

March marks three years that we have lived in Arizona. I started this blog soon after moving here. My aspiration was, at least initially, that it would be about all the adventures that Frank and I would have here. And we have had a few, but the reality is that most of our days are spent working, our weekends caring for home and helping family, and the adventures are more like outings where we zen out and don’t feel like taking pictures and transcribing every moment. And I am so okay with that.

Last year, Pandemic Year One, I wanted to write more, to share stories and the creative side of me, but I honestly felt guilty for writing about what was happening in my imagination when the world was in a health crisis unlike anything before in my lifetime, and people I am friends with were experiencing the death of people they love. It just didn’t feel right.

I even thought about letting my “subscription” for this blog name expire and not renew it, to just let it vaporize because: a) I have very few followers/readers and b) I don’t think, or rather didn’t think, that whatever I wrote meant anything or made any difference whatsoever. That may all still be true. But, the intuition that I am getting very attuned to listening to nowadays, told me, “No, don’t let it go. Just wait.” So, as I am trying to do, I followed that lead.

My previous blogs have alluded to what I have called a spiritual journey that I feel I have been on the past several years. But I have been modest with my words, timid in my tone and fearful of full expression. Nagging, yelling, and now finally, hollering at me, is my same intuition saying that this platform is useless unless I am open and honest and brave. So, here I am, ready to boldly admit that that this journey is more of a transformation, a revelation of my self, an awakening of consciousness that has rocked me to my core.

I realize that my words do matter: written and spoken, they are energy and create a vibrational frequency that continues to expand and impact whatever it comes into contact with. Just like the energy your words carry. So if I sit on this blog and say, “Gosh I’m really going through something and I think I am getting stronger,” it’s energy is weak because it is only a partial truth and not the full expression of my what I feel and experience in my being.

And here’s where I will start loosing friends, readers, and followers as I need to shake off and clean out those who peep and peer and judge. You may stay here to read and observe but I do not write for you. I can only hope that the energy of my words turns your judgement to support if you decide to ride this ride. There are people who knew me as a child, young adult, young mother and never knew the battles behind my smiling face. You knew me in high school and theatre and because I was boisterous and quirky you might have mistaken that for confidence. You knew me in a church group or youth setting and because I have a deep faith you think you know how I should act, believe or behave. But today I say that the Michelle you knew, or projected onto me, is only a part of me. It was only one layer of my being and that is okay. But who I am is growing and becoming and rapidly evolving every moment and I can no longer write a blog about trying on contour unless I also feel safe enough to tell you the full story.

Click out now. Unsubscribe, unfriend, block, eye roll emoji your heart out, I literally am at peace with that. Fin-al-ly! And it feels so good. (Only took me about 50 years to get to the beginning.) And if you ever really loved me, the me you knew, or thought you knew, if our souls shared an energetic connection, then I know you will be right here with me continuing that. I already know who some of you will be. And I love you for loving me so much and supporting me.

It’s about to get all woo-woo up in this blog my friends. I don’t know another word for it. But the thoughts and experiences I am going through I do not believe are solitary. I believe, and know, others who are having this same pulling to understand and connect with the core of our consciousness, what I call the soul. The power of the human mind has been consuming my thoughts and I am mesmerized with studying the facet of neuroscience that explores our subconscious power. I believe that our faith in that power can transform and heal, help and change us because I am experiencing it! To this end I am studying and reading everything I can. Because I also have a vision and a belief that part of being called here to Arizona is just the beginning stages.

So don’t be surprised when you pull up my blog and see titles like, “How Yoga changed my Mind about my Body” or “My Shamanic Journey” or “Quantum Physics and the Astral Plane”. Hopefully, one day soon, I’ll even be able to host retreats in Sedona for those of us who don’t mind being a little woo-woo now and then.

Slack Jaw

MichelleR

By Michelle Raskey – A Dream. A short story start? You tell me.

At first glance I thought she had tried to unsuccessfully swallow a mouthful of coffee grounds. Brown crumbs fell out her parted lips, her mouth too small to hold everything. Then I realized that her jaw was detached, lower mandible slack, held in place by flesh that looked stretched to capacity. She tried to speak, I tried to look away. I was sure my expression was at the very least shock veiled in horror. I peered, staring at the grotesqueness of the beautiful girl. I can’t remember if I spoke out loud or thought it, “Does it hurt? How does it work?”

“This is the only way to keep my face together,” she mumbled, tufts of soil falling out her mouth. Black , rich, fertile soil. She swung back on her neck, gaped open, eyes rolling back in her head in death or ecstasy, revealing her contents. A forest floor was in her mouth. An orchard’s worth of roots, all tangled together, were keeping the earth and her jaw intact, just enough. She quickly shut it, a puff of dust escaping in time with her eyes rolling back into their place.

“You should only open your mouth when you absolutely have to,” I thought to her.

She looked out the window of our taxi, waiting for her stop.

You are enough

MichelleR

I came into work one day to find those words written on a note, stuck by a friend to my computer stand. I had heard that phrase and seen it written in gorgeous fonts in Pinterest memes numerous times, but it quietly became my meditation. The catalyst that allowed it to root in my heart came from a deep knowing that she believed this, and in doing so, gave me permission to believe it too. I still catch myself wrestling with its truth as I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or when a beautiful woman enters the same room.  But I doubt it less and less. Because another woman believed it about me first.

I don’t recall when I started ranking myself, it is not a thing I am proud of, but I used to do it a lot. I would compare myself to other women. It wasn’t about judging that particular women but rather feeling myself diminish because I believed she was more than me. Comparison seeps like a tea bag left in the cup, becoming stronger as it sits. And, while I believe that all humans have beauty, I depreciated my own.  I can play a great game of confidence, but inside my tender heart would think, “I wish I was ‘inset adjective of choice’ like her”.  This eventually led me to shying away from many female relationships to avoid those uncomfortable feelings in me. It also led to hundreds, if not thousands, of missed opportunities over the years to tell other women how incredible I thought they were. A tragedy.

Please don’t misunderstand. I do not hate myself.  I do not hate other women. I have had wonderful female friendships that have lasted decades. I had an incredible childhood with awesome friends.  But, I guess I can call it my Achilles heel, comparison to other females robbed me of joy, the joy of believing that I am enough. The joy of telling other women that I believe they are enough.

The journey to even write this entry has been a long one. It’s taken me a while to even fully understand what I was going through. But when I started using the phrase, “I am enough” as a meditation it allowed me to compare my life with my desires instead of my life to others. I started asking the question, “If I am enough, then why I treating my body so badly? If I am enough, why I am eating outside of hunger? If I am enough why aren’t I looking for ways to love and care for myself? It keeps going, but you get the picture.

I recently met a huge weight loss goal for myself that I didn’t think was possible at my age, or with my past track record with “diets”. I truly believe it was because I was ready. I wasn’t trying to loose weight for summer, knowing I would go back to eating like I always had, but because I was ready to believe that I was enough and worth the work needed to prove it. I was ready to become healthier. I was ready to work on multiple areas of my life to increase my life experience and joy. I was ready to be enough for myself.

The health aspect of my journey is a part of the full spiritual and personal transformation that I have been working through for a few years now. Here is the Cliffnotes version (because someday I’ll put that full story in a novel and try to actually make a living doing this writing thing):

  • About five years ago I had the realization that I was unhappy and angry despite a “good life”
  • I was given the gift of a healer in my life who started me on a path to find myself
  • I became open to hearing and then listening to my inner voice
  • I stepped out of my “safe place” and, with my partner beside me, completely changed course
  • I made a conscious effort to view all women in my life as gifts, treasures, and purposely placed
  • I sought to become happy from the inside out – instead of the self-deprecating humor I used as a shield
  • I realized my next and hardest work was to love myself so much that I would care about the one body I’ve been given in this life and to start treating it that way.

And this is where I am now. On an amazing journey to “optimal health and wellness”. I am in a place mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally that I didn’t not know I would ever find. Hell, I didn’t even know I was looking for it. But here I am and I believe I am enough. No, not just believe it, but I know it. And it feels amazing!

I feel stronger and mentally sharper. I feel joyful despite the world circumstances. I know it sounds sappy but I look back down that hill into that valley and I see how dark and sad and lost I was and all I want to do is yell, “Hey you down there! Do not give up! It’s worth the uphill climb!” And I want to tell everybody who’ll listen. And, if you are reading this and you need encouragement or a partner in the journey to wellness please reach out! We are stronger together and I will walk with you!

I also recognize that throughout my personal journey I would see people posting on social media about their weight loss and how much better they felt and I would want to reach right out and punch them in the middle of their stupid smiling faces. And I would grab my beer and 26th pizza roll, dip it in a ton of ranch, and swipe. But I also know that somewhere I believed it wasn’t possible for me. I believed health was never in my future and it made me sad. But, I think, I just hadn’t started believing I was enough.  I am going to tell you, you are. You are enough! YOU-ARE-ENOUGH!

I want to share some notes from my journal, which is very personal. I hope it resonates with those who need it. I hope it inspires those who need it. I hope the universe returns it to me used so I know that it, like everything, served a purpose in the journey.

4/3/2018 – Yesterday was my first day officially at “C…” and I feel embraced, welcomed, and needed into the tribe. These women all seem to love and accept me…Already I see how I can be better as a woman – to really start loving and uplifting other women in my life. Already I see the woman I want to become – more love.

9/15/2018 – …My desire/denials: Morality (Queen of Clouds/Mind) Break through the cage of conditioning to reach the truth of my own heart. To see life as it really is. Awareness as the root of morality. …Do not look outward for what it real – look within. Drop my opinionated mind and move inside. Relax in the deepest truth. Doubt is a blessing.

2/21/2019 – …I am to let all of the past and future worries fall away. Observe what is happening now and what the universe is doing…accept the place I have put myself in (leaving CA, new job with police, all of it) and become one with myself – not lonely – but I am enough – just like this…I am simply the reflection in a pool of consciousness…Finally, the child emerges innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being. A time of growth and change.

5/6/2019 – …about my weight and health and immediately I see the long uphill journey of the mountain. The top is obscured from my view. I cannot see the top or where it is. I looks like such a long way and I feel I can’t do it. It’s too high, too hard, too far – there is no way I can do this. I see I am alone, only I can go on this uphill journey and no one will give me a ride or a short cut because there are none. But, isn’t the view always worth the hike? I don’t know but at the top is the sun and it’s brighter at the top than it is at the bottom…I see myself healthy. I see a thinner happier Michelle – I want that me…It’s not a race, I don’t have to hurry, I just have to take a step every day and not turn around.

7/27/2019 – I see and know inside me this spiritual awakening is calling me, a great force…transporting me to myself…taking responsibility for who I am and to live my truth.

(There is a gap when I started my new promotion at the department and then in January of 2020 started a 21 day mediation on manifesting and abundance. This is also where I reconnected with my health coach and old friend).

2/15/2020 – Meditative thoughts from the book, “Women Who Run With the Wolves”. I am of extravagant body – made round like the earth herself. My body is a vessel made to carry so much…To live preoccupied by my appearance in this way – scales, measures, counting, consumed with thoughts of food, my wild nature would never advocated for the torture of my body…take back my body – change my attitude towards myself and celebrate the joy of my natural body. Don’t wait, don’t hold back, take back my real life.

2/19/20 – I signed up to start a weight loss journey program with my coach Jessica and I am nervous…I hope that by journaling I can get to the root of my obsession and addiction to food so I can no longer be enslaved by food but restore my body as a spiritual temple and place to commune with God and nature…Can I see quality time with others as not about eating?

3/24/20 – It’s been almost a month that I have been on my plan and I have to say I feel good.  – Where do I see myself in a year, five years? A year from now I will still be doing great on the plan, now helping people at the same time. I plan to be blogging and working on my personal spiritual journey…Within 5 years I see myself hosting and preparing retreats in Arizona/Sedona area for women with health and self-care at the core.

4/23/20 – 18.6 pounds down today! “I patiently allow my body to heal and transform with ease”. I need to remember that I took decades to bring my body to this unhealthy state. I cannot expect that in a few weeks I will completely fix it: both physically and mentally. I am transforming the way I eat; the way I cope; how I feel about food; its purpose in my life. That takes time…I start my day with yoga and journaling…all of it sets me in the mindset that today is a gift.

5/12/20 – Down 23.6 pounds! …I feel I need to focus on tuning out my own negative thoughts about myself. While I have made progress and steps, this is something I battle with even this morning in yoga, and when I step on the scale. I need to be kind and so proud of the progress I’ve made since March 1st on this journey! 3 months into healing from so much misuse of my God given body and life. This is exactly what I would tell my past self, besides start now, the first thing I had to do was to love myself enough to care about what happens to me. I loved others but not myself. Spiritually – it took me a long time to accept myself as I am – then I started to love myself as I am – then I cared enough about myself to care for me/my body. So, I would tell younger Michelle to look inside for love and acceptance from myself first.

7/3/20 – What year, decade is this? Time is a blur…everything feels so out of control – except me – I feel on track with my weight loss/health journey. I am doing yoga every day and I love it! I need it. I cannot imagine a day without yoga (Yoga with Adrienne) now. Only ounces away from my goal…So much to be grateful and thankful for…Loving myself is enough…

Consider this my sticky note on your computer stand:

Little Horse Trail

MichelleR

By Michelle Raskey

Traversing the path through your crests and curves
Stepping farther into your mystic land,
Watched by ancient ghosts.
At each crunch of my boot I shed
Layers of accumulated fabrics, growing smaller:
First mule deer, now coyote, next badger –
Until I disrobe completely, a snake.
Rusty red blood carries me and I
Slither across your rocks and truth.
My sacred pilgrimage complete I open my eyes,
Wet wings unfold,
I take flight and hunt.

The Little Horse Trail, Sedona, Arizona May 2020

8. The Morning Routine

MichelleR

This Pinterest challenge is a real winner in my book. I am not a morning person, but this Pin and my motivation to instill habits of health in my life have created a routine that I find myself looking forward to. The premise is that the way we start our day and what we focus on can play an important role in how we deal with the challenges and opportunities that will present themselves. Since I get up about 4:30 am every morning with my husband, I have plenty of time to do all this before work. I don’t need to be on social media or watch the news, I need to focus on what is best for me and my health. I have been doing this for about 3 weeks now (which is why I named it Pin #8. See, I have been doing my part – just slacking in the posting department), and I have to say, I can tell the days I skip. I am finding I need this routine because it grounds and focuses me on making healthy eating choices, moving more, smiling more, listening more, and not being stressed out about everything that is happening around me. And with the pandemic, I need to stay focused on the positive and my locus of control. I love all the the Habits here but I focus on these seven every morning and I love it! It has helped me so much, and I hope it helps you too! https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695075662/

  • Habit #1: Get up right away. At the sound of your alarm count down, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” and get up. This eliminates thinking about how much time you have before you have to “really get up”, which isn’t restful anyway. Set the alarm for when you have to get up and do it.
  • Habit #2: Make your bed right away. It makes you feel like you already have accomplished something before the sleep is even out of your eyes.
  • Habit #3: Repeat an affirmation: I have this link here for the affirmations I love and I start my day with the next one on the list. If I really love it, I write it on sticky note and keep it at the front of my planner. This is my day’s “battle cry” and I like to remind myself of what I am capable of. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695626568/
  • Habit #4: Journal – It doesn’t have to be long, just write. You can free write, dream journal, or use a prompt like the ones in this link. Just get your mind moving. I like the prompts because they inspire me to keep focused on working on becoming a better version of myself: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695531390/
  • Habit #5: Meditate: In the blog, Laivana gives links to some great 4 and 5 minute morning meditations to get you in a positive mindset. You can definitely find hundreds on youtube of any length. I started with her blog recommendations but I definitely have expanded to try lots more. Searching for a good mediation is now a fun part of my morning routine.
  • Habit #6: Yoga. This is probably the #1 reason why this routine has really kicked in for me. I love to use the youtube videos called Yoga with Adriene. She is awesome, not annoying, has videos from 5 min to whatever you have time for, her dog is frequently assisting her, and they are DOABLE! I will even post the video that got me hooked and has now has me doing longer and longer videos because it makes me feel good! https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene
  • Habit #7: Focus on the positive. List 10 things you are grateful for each morning. I include this with my journaling time and many times am smiling while I write them!
  • There are three other habits she recommends in her blog but I sort of wrap a few of them later into my day. She lists a morning skin care routine (but I incorporate that with my shower); prepping in advance (like setting out your clothes and making your lunch the night before), but with the Virus I haven’t needed that yet; and taking inspired action – you choose your life every day. I try to take that with me throughout the day (especially right now as I remind myself that I choose everything that I eat) so make good choices. Choices that make you healthy and happy.

Maybe it seems overwhelming to try 10 new habits to add to your day, so just try one or two. Then add a few more each week. It really doesn’t take that much time and has been a positive mindset changer for me. Tell me in the comments: What is one part of your morning routine that really makes you feel awesome and you absolutely can’t do without. (And you can leave out the coffee and the constitutional – that goes without saying.)

Here is the video that got me hooked! Anyone can do 5 minutes!

10. Makeup Tutorial -Part 2

MichelleR

To round out the house-bound beauty pageant I was throwing for myself I chose an eye make-up tutorial for brown eyes. Yes, my eyes are brown, thank you for never noticing. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695584249/

I normally do not wear a lot of makeup. I would consider myself a slight to moderate makeup connoisseur. I own more than I would ever wear (especially lipsticks) and mostly because I don’t really know how to wear it. I love how it looks on other people, but I don’t ever feel like I really pull it off. So, this pin, “Simple Everyday Eye Makeup – Beauty Point of View” sounded easy enough for me and since there were only a couple of items required I chose it. Looking back, I wish I had chosen something more wild and crazy and completely ridiculous, but we’ll save that for another Pinterest Challenge week. So here is Part 2 of the makeup tutorials: Pinterest Challenge #10: Eye Makeup.

9. Makeup Tutorial – Part 1

MichelleR

It’s been a while since I posted a video of me making a fool of myself and with the quarantine in place and an insane amount of time on my hands, I decided not to clean my closet and video myself doing a couple of Pinterest Makeup Tutorials. What could go wrong?

Here is the link to the Pinterest tutorial I followed (because I had this makeup already): Anastasia Beverly Hills Cream Contour Kit Review and Demo https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695584212/

For my 9th Pinterest Challenge I chose a tutorial that I have been fascinated by for a few reasons: Contouring. Firstly, I know that you can use this trick for stage to either age yourself or make yourself appear younger. But, I always thought that was because you are so far away from the audience. I never thought about wearing contouring makeup for real life and walking outside in public! It seems insane unless you were having it done by a professional makeup artist (aka you’re a Kardashian). Nevertheless, there are countless tutorials on the site, with all ages of people, claiming they look magazine-cover-ready, all from a shading tip. I was like, really? This cannot be for real. Especially if you are older than 20. And since I am well past that age, this is going to look like a I was in a Mud Run. So, while it’s a little long (I cut as much as I could) here is my first ever attempt at contouring:

12. Pinterest Health Challenges

MichelleR

The follower or two I might have for this blog will have realized by now that I am just a tad “behind” on my Pinterest Challenges and blergs. The bulk of you will not doubt be thinking, oh, yeah, I sort of remember her doing something like that. And in this bizarre time of quarantine I sort of skipped ahead to this week to write about what no doubt many of us are thinking of: our health and wellbeing. I am not trying to be trite in the slightest, I think now more than at the beginning of the year when I started this challenge, my own health, and that of my family’s, is at the forefront of my thoughts.

My health issues have been ongoing for some time and while I am grateful I do not have disease to the level that many people do, I am still considered unhealthy. My weight, an issue for decades, has always been a challenge. But beyond my weight I just felt awful, sort of all the time. Between lethargy, stress, headaches, pains, skin issues like eczema and never feeling rested I just feel like existed. I wasn’t living. I always felt uncomfortable in my body (if that makes sense at all). I didn’t like the way I looked in the mirror, in clothes, and there were times when I was thinking – who is this lady I’m stuck inside of?

Compound that with my family’s history of heart disease and cholesterol, my mother’s diagnosis with early onset Alzheimer’s in her early 60’s and my younger brother’s near heart attack and stint just 2 years ago, I could see the writing on the wall. Something needed to change in my life. I struggled all last year on Noom, because I already understand the psychology of why I overeat and don’t exercise but the bottom line is I didn’t have a permanent plan to change my life for the long term. I wanted a quick fix.

I even alluded to all this in this very Pinterest Blog Challenge at the start of the year and had set aside several weeks (and more) to Pins that involved fitness, diets and lemon water “miracle flat belly” drinks. All just a continued desire to change without the actual plan.

About a month ago I reach out to my dear friend Jessica who had been looking particularly happy in recent months. She had lost weight but more than that she was happy, energetic and engaged with her life. I wanted to feel that way too. She told me about a program she had started where the focus was on gaining optimal health in every aspect of your life. That weight loss was a part of that, but the big picture was to take small steps in areas like sleep, hydration, stress, food intake, movement and meditation (or self-reflection if you prefer the term). These small steps, over time, would become daily habits that would take me to where I would have wellbeing in all the areas of my life. While I was hesitant, I was also desperate and I loved that it was more of a strategic plan than a weight loss program.

I started the program 3 weeks ago and just completed week three. While I have lost 12 pounds so far that is nothing compared to the energy, clarity and focus I have found again. Even amid this pandemic and self-quarantine I have to say that I feel better these last 3 weeks than I have felt in years. I am sleeping better, and my skin has cleared up so much that I do not use my rash cream at all anymore. I wake up rested, not tired or groggy. Despite the world’s chaos, I just feel, well, happier.

So, all this to say that I will not be posting ANY more Pinterest diet or quick fix lemon water challenges. I have finally found what works for me and I cannot wait to continue the path to optimum health for myself and stay there for the rest of my life. And while we watch in grief the stories of people with underlying health issues being most susceptible to this virus I am grateful that I am trying now to make my life as healthy as I can. I wish everyone out there good health, safety from this virus, and a long life filled with wellness!

Crazy side note #1: For those that have known me a long time, get this, I LOVE broccoli and eat a huge salad every day now. I CRAVE foods like Salmon, shrimp, sprouts, vegetables, lean pork loin and grilled chicken breast. I haven’t had fast food, alcohol, chips, or pizza in 3 weeks, and I don’t miss it all. I have no idea where the “old” Michelle is right now, but this Michelle is not hungry and not constantly thinking about her next meal. Good riddance!

Crazy side note #2: I know this may sound like a sales pitch – it isn’t. But, I am happy to share what I am doing if you want to PM me through text or Facebook though. I will probably even create a page for health on this blog at some point in the future for those who want to follow or join me!

5. How I Set Up My Self-Care Space

MichelleR

Pinterest Challenge for week 5 is all about creating a space for reflection, mediation and relaxation and I definitely can use more of that in my life. I was inspired by this Pinterest image and here is the link if your interested: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695077655/

Step 1: Choose a space. According to the pin this doesn’t have to be a large space or in a separate room. It can be a shelf, the top of a dresser or a little table in the corner. The key is to have it in a place where you can create some peace and tranquility.

Here is what I did: I chose to a spot in my craft room/office. It’s a space of my own, where I write and store the yearly Christmas wrap, but I like the room and it’s a place I can definitely have to myself. The table was my mothers and she used it as a desk while in school. I really love it but it’s fragile so I generally just put scrapbooking things on it. Frank made me the peg board a few years ago for some of my supplies but I definitely don’t need to see that every day. So, I cleaned everything off and chose this as the space I could come into everyday and reflect there with gratitude.

Secondly, your space needs some flair to make it your own. For example, you can choose lace or material that is soothing to you to hang on the walls. Or cover the table, or surface, with special family table linens or doilies, or leave it plain.

I was given the frog flag by one of my closest friends for Christmas who knows that I believe the Frog is my spirit animal (look it up). This way my peg board is covered but I can tie it up anytime I want to use the supplies under it. It was a perfect fit. I already love looking at the imagery and the vibrant colors. I placed a table runner on the desk to protect it from the essential oils and candle wax.

Next, and of vital importance, is the mood you create and how your senses are a part of your self care. Sight: you don’t want hard lights or florescent bulbs as you are trying to mediate or pray. You can choose salt lamps or any type of serene lighting. Sound: you can set up a small water feature or a speaker for music. Smell: get a diffuser for essential oils or, if you prefer, incense or candles.

I choose a very low watt light that is slightly yellow in hue. I also was given a rose quartz globe and light box that I love the look of. I added a diffuser for my essential oil blends and I wish I could share smell-a-vision as it is already more relaxing with lavender and patchouli gently wafting in the air. I have my old phone that only works with wi-fi hidden behind my diffuser with amazon music on. I can play music that I enjoy with just a quick touch.

Finally, and most importantly, add the things that are meaningful to you and will bring you joy, peace, and serenity. Everything on the table should mean something to you, remind you of someone or take you to a place you have wonderful memories of. The point of the space is remind you of all you have to be grateful for; all the people you love and who love you; and inspiration to make the most of the person you are and are becoming.

Everything in my space was given to me by someone special or something I picked up as a remembrance. My space will be different than yours but I hope you recognize how worthy you are of loving yourself enough to create a small space where you can think, journal, pray, meditate or just reflect. I used the area right away and immediately was thankful for this challenge. I love my self-care space!

4. Dark Circle Eye Serum

MichelleR

This week’s Pinterest Challenge is a beauty/health Pin. I’ve been a fan of essential oils for a few years now, but definitely a novice user. I use diffusers and have made a few roller bottles combinations for stress and relaxation but haven’t yet tried any as an actual “beauty aid”. I’ve always relied on store bought items for that type of thing but believe if you can find something that works just a good and is more natural (not to mention cheaper) then why not give it try!

I am actually excited about seeing the long term results of this challenge. If it works, I will be ecstatic. Primarily because I would love to get rid of the circles under my eyes and secondly, it seems so easy that I can see it being something I can continue long-term.

Here is the Pin that inspired me (sorry folks but I won’t be posting the actual link as it appears to go nowhere and I don’t want to share potential spam). The “recipe” is right on the picture though so there’s really no reason to click the link.

The first part of the challenge is to gather supplies. I actually had every one of these items in my “essential oils basket” in my Marie-Kondo-linen-closet. This challenge cost me nothing. I used vitamin E capsules that I take daily and cut off the tops to squeeze the oil into the elixir. I chose Coconut Oil as the carrier oil because I love it so much. (I use coconut oil any chance I can get.) It took me less than 5 minutes to add the 15 drops of each oil (lavender, lemon and frankincense), squeeze out the vitamin E, and top the bottle with the carrier oil. Easy – peasy! And it smells AMAZING!

(Posting a picture of me without makeup is fairly traumatic for me – but I am all in for this Pin-Ing challenge so be KIND!) This is my under-eye circle before I used any oil at all. I have two pictures just to be sure I can monitor the improvement (if any).

  • Both under-eye circles before using the serum.
  • Week 1: Under-eye circles after using serum for one week.

Ok, this is one week in – after using the serum both morning and night. I don’t notice a difference yet in appearance but I will say:

The skin under my eyes feels tighter and less fragile since using the serum.

The aroma is very pleasant and non-irritating. I was worried it may burn my eyes but it doesn’t. Note: DO NOT PUT TOO CLOSE TO YOUR EYE. ONLY USE ON THE AREA UNDER YOUR EYE!

Stay tuned for more pics in the upcoming weeks!

3. 4-Week Beginner’s Work Out Plan

MichelleR

Whoop! Whoop! It’s Week 3 my friends and here I am ready to get my next Pinterest Challenge on! This week is a work-out challenge and please note in the title the use of the word BEGINNER – as defined by Merriam-Webster (which is a dictionary for the younger reader):

one that begins something especially: an inexperienced person.

That part about beginning something especially, I think that’s me. While I have worked out in the past it’s been at least a decade since I have stuck to a workout program for a long period of time. So I set about this with the mentality and most especially the appearance of a beginner. Shall we begin?

Here’s the Pinterest Pin if you’d like to join me: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/172755335695075667/

Also, check out my Workout Challenge Vlog (and try not to laugh at me too much) – I mean, hey, at least I’m trying. Huge thanks to my daughter Morgan for her fun finishing touches too:

UPDATE: Jan 31st – So, as it turns out I really did hurt my knee pretty bad doing those damn jumping jacks. I had to rest it a few days and it’s still not 100% but, I looked up some of the exercises to try doing a modified version and it seems to be working. I’m just now getting back on track so I’ll keep pushing on while trying not to injure myself. I guess those disclaimers to consult a physician before starting an exercise program are legit.

2. 19 Day Keto Diet Meal Plan…

MichelleR

…AND 15 Cheap Keto Meals. I combined 2 Pins so deal with it.

I did it! I made it to week 2 of the Pinterest Challenge! I am already impressed with myself. Also, side-note, I realized I don’t even have tens of followers so I need to amend from last week’s vlog to be: welcome back Bily and the one person who reads my blog from Canada (whoever you are )! This week’s challenge is a food/weight loss challenge because one of my biggest goals for myself is to be healthier and look decent in a dress for my daughter’s wedding at the end of 2020. So, since I am currently, highly motivated, I wanted to start right away with a food challenge. I’ve done Paleo before and I really loved it – and an additional benefit is that it is closer to the “grain-brain” diet that Dr. Pearlmutter recommends for a healthier brain and I definitely want that in my life. So I thought I would give Keto a try. If it is something I think I can get used to long-term I think I will probably keep it up beyond the 19 days.

The reason I combined two Pins this week is that once I starting looking into the “19 Day Keto Meal Diet Plan” I was very upset by the huge quantity of food it was requiring me to purchase with no adjustments for leftovers. With a household of two it is wasteful to cook a quiche that can feed at least four and never plan to eat what is left. I don’t like that. Also, the plan is designed for someone who does not work, go out to socialize, or have anything else to do but stand in the kitchen prepping the next meal right after you eat the current one. The prep was way too much for my schedule. Then I found these receipes for Cheap Keto Meals and they not only sounded delicious but look fast and quick. Plus I will be able to take the left-overs to work for lunch each day. I think my odds of staying on track are much more doable now.

If you like to join me here are the links:

https://www.ieatketo.com/cheap-keto-dinner-recipes/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=pinterest&utm_campaign=tailwind_tribes&utm_content=tribes&utm_term=492255138_16368604_209191 and http://www.ketodietyum.com/keto-diet-plan/

Watch my vlog on this Pin Challenge, and huge thanks to Mothehalf for her amazing editions to the final cut; I think it makes it way more fun. See you next week!

So. Much. Broccoli.

UPDATE: Day 6 of 19 – Someone for the love of God help me! I am STILL eating the Broccoli, Ham and Egg casserole for breakfast each day! Actually, it turns out I love it. Honestly, this challenge has been tough to stick to and I think I needed to do a bit more research into all the foods that are allowed and restricted on this diet. For example – which alcohol am I allowed to drink? Why can’t I have a low fat yogurt if I want? Let me get this straight: apples are bad but berries are good? It’s all so much! At this point I don’t see myself taking it beyond 19 days. On the other hand I’ve made 4 of the recipes so far and loved each one. My favorite was the most simple – Cabbage and Bacon Stir Fry. So fast and delicious. Chop up bacon, fry it. Chop up cabbage – fry it in a little of the bacon drippings. Combine add salt, pepper and chili flakes. I love it! And I have been eating the leftovers for lunch each day so that makes me feel good. I’ve only dropped 2 pounds so who knows if that was water weight or pair of shoes but I’m going to keep trying to make it work. I think doing a little research on Keto foods is on the agenda for today though if I stand a chance of not hating this. We’ll see!

UPDATE: Day one of STUPID – Ok I literally hated almost everything about this challenge and Pin and completely quit about day 10. Keto (or any restrictive type of diet for that matter) is NOT for me. If anything it made me feel resentful and angry. I loved some of the recipes and would definitely eat them again, but there is no way I can live with this type of diet the rest of my life so why set myself up to gain any pounds I lose back? I need to focus on exercise and eating in moderation. But to say I can “never” eat any food again (especially the ones I love) is just setting future Michelle up for failure and I do not need to have even MORE feelings that revolve around food. Done. Finito. Over. NEXT!

1. Yearly Savings Plan

MichelleR

Well here we are! The first week of the new year and my new challenge to Blog or Vlog about a Pinterest pin that I have chosen.

This first pin is a financial challenge entitled, “Yearly Savings Plan” in which I will place a predetermined amount of money away each week and at the end of the year should have saved $1000. Sounds pretty good eh?

Watch my very first Vlog here to find out more!

It took almost 24 hours and 3 people but I think I just posted my very first Vlog!

Update: Jan 17th – week 3 This Pin challenge is going great with a total of $6 saved as of today!

Update: Jan 31st – week This Pin challenge continues to be a no brainer with a total of $15 saved as of today!

Back in the Blerg-Blog Saddle

MichelleR

Bored with “Oak Island” I started scanning through Pinterest and was struck with the idea: I have hundreds of Pins just sitting here, mocking me, why not actually try something besides a new cocktail recipe? And while I love a great new cocktail I would also like to, “Get fit in 2 weeks”, “Rock that smokey eye”, and “Try 3 things each night to raise your vibration”. My second thought was that this is something I would definitely share, and should share, on video. So, lucky for you dear reader, you are invited on this journey to watch me make a fool of myself, to see before and after photos, and hopefully have a good laugh at my expense.

Each week I will try a new Pinterest pin from my billions of boards (follow me here: https://www.pinterest.com/mrsraskey/ ) and share my experiences, videos and pictures with you! This year I will turn 49! WOW that’s almost – 50! And I am excited about it! It’s a fun time in my life, I am still working on myself. My oldest daughter is getting married this year, I am in a new state, a new job and coming to terms with the new me. I’m learning, growing, changing and maybe one of these Pins will launch a deeper discovery of myself – or maybe I will nail contouring – at the very least I will give myself, and my reader/viewer, a good laugh.

We start next Friday – one week from today. I am really excited about it! You can find the blogs and vlogs under the “Pin-Ing” category. I hope you’ll tune in each week and feel free to leave a “Sugest-Pin” in the comment section and I’ll see if I can add it to the calendar. Now, I’m going to make a new cocktail and toast to an amazing 2020!

A Princess Bride

MichelleR
June 22, 2008

I love watching the Princess Bride. Growing up it was a family favorite. I can quote lines with the best of them and still giggle when I think of my favorite:

” You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – the most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! “

But that movie also left me with a longing for a love like Buttercup’s. I longed for Wesley’s “As you wish”. Long story short, my first take at love left me far from that perfect farm boy and lying tortured on a rack. But this is a happy blog right? Yes, but to quote Wesley again, “life is pain”. So for a brief paragraph I will open my closet door and let you see the messy back corner:

I am lying on my bedroom floor in the fetal position. I am sobbing so hard no sounds are coming out. There is snot running out my nose, saliva strings dripping and for some reason I cannot close my mouth. I cannot take a breath or see. I weigh a thousand pounds and nothing at the same time. I have one million thoughts and not one of them is clear. All I manage is moans and I wish I was dead because I want it to stop so bad. I remember thinking, “Is this it? Is this all the love I will ever know?” I am pressed against the bottom. Rock bottom.

I cannot tell you how long it took me to climb out. The journey is different for everyone. I know I didn’t do it alone. My family, friends, therapist and special “healers” all grabbed my hands, pulled, pushed, prodded and yanked me step by slow step. There were good times and slips. There were parts of my mind that healed faster than others. There was joy and laughter in the journey, followed by tears. To this day I still have certain trigger words and actions that can fling me fast back to the dark. But it happens less and less. Even writing about it just now brought hot tears to my eyes. It’s been a journey. A beautiful, painful dance; but, that really is just life isn’t it?

Then I met Wesley. (Well his name is Frank but for the sake of a cohesive story…)

I didn’t need to be rescued. I realize I never had. And Frank didn’t want to rescue me. He didn’t try to prove himself. He just asked to be in my life and stand by me. For a year I needed to work on myself and my degree and my job and being a single mom. He let me be. But he was always there. He was my friend. He already loved me just as I was. Accepted me for what I could give and when I could give it. He is a patient soul. He is kind. He is funny. And one day I just realized, I am madly in love with this man. We’ve been together ever since.

Exactly 11 years ago tomorrow, at sunset, we will celebrate our promises to each other in Sedona. Until him I didn’t know that I could love this much. I didn’t know I could accept being loved so much. It is a love that makes me feel safe, a partnership in which I am valued, a friendship in which I am heard. It is the daily gift of being challenged with, ‘what else can you accomplish and how can I support you?’ He says “As you wish” with every touch of his hand on my back, the goodnight kisses without fail, and the refilling of my glass – in every way possible. What a treasure. And as much as I hate it, I would have never unburied any of it without that pit.

I think of that girl lying on the floor and my heart breaks for her. I want to rush to her in a time machine and hold her tight and tell her, “Oh girl, you just hold on because what is waiting for you is beyond your wildest dreams. Better than Buttercup and Wesley. And wipe your nose, you’re really gross right now.”

I’ve changed my mind. My favorite quote from “The Princess Bride” is:

“Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.” 
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Preserves

MichelleR

My mom loved to can. In the summer we would drive to the farms near the delta to buy flats of tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, and all manner of fruit. I would watch as she transformed the kitchen into a factory filled with steam from the boiling water and the smells of cinnamon, dill and vinegar. She was amazing. Quart jar after quart jar would color our garage pantry shelf. Red, greens, oranges, yellows and deep purple for our family favorite: prune butter. By the end of the summer our shelves were filled and it was a source of pride for her survey her efforts reflected back in the glass of those beautiful jars.

My mom was a nurse. She went back to school to finish her nursing degree when my youngest brother went to to Kindergarten. I was around 12 and her determination to fulfill her dreams was my first glimpse at feminism; how a woman can have family and career and rock them both. She was so smart and my whole family wanted her help. There isn’t a person I can think of who did not call my mom at some point to ask about a rash or a pain or the color of baby poop to see what it all meant. And she loved it. She loved helping and healing people. She revealed to me an inner strength that I would not see or know I would need until years later. Picking up the pieces of my life after my divorce I frequently repeated the mantra, “My mom did this; so can I”. And I did. And I know the roots any success I have lead back to my mom.

My mom was a singer. She loved to sing. She sang in chorus in high school. She sang in church choirs, at masonic functions, weddings and parties. She closed her eyes while she sang and you could hear in her voice the smile spread across her lips. She made a song for each of my girls when they were born. She sang them that song so often that even when I sing it now she will join me, though she cannot form complex sentences. Her favorite songs were for the Lord and her conviction and faith were as vibrant as her notes. I believe she was closest to God during those choruses of Halellujah.

My mom was a seamstress. In almost every photo I have of me as a little girl I am wearing a dress my mother made me right up until Jr. High when I started to feel the peer pressure of labels. She made me beautiful formal gowns for Rainbow girls. She made my dad silk shirts and Pendleton coats. She made all of us (dad, her, me and my two brothers) matching turtle tank tops that we wore on vacation to the Grand Canyon.We proudly posed for a family photo in them. She made my daughters dress after dress for them and their dollies. She could sew anything. She sewed because we didn’t have money and it was cheaper to make clothes back then, but I know that when someone complimented our outfits she was proud to say,”Oh, I made that.”

My mom began to die about 10 years ago. At first everyone thought she was just tired or stressed. Her words were mixed up frequently and sometimes she would be right in the middle of a sentence and look at you with blank eyes and say, “I have no idea what I am going to say”. A year later she was forgetting dates and times, forgetting to pick up her grandchildren for babysitting. Forgetting to set the car in park. She was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimers. All the books I read made me so angry. Nothing was good. There was no cure. There is no treatment besides mild prolongation. It has been what I call, ‘A 10-year Funeral’ and every few years I breakdown completely as my dad and our family mourn another piece robbed by this hellborn disease. I hate what I know will come. I hate how she knows what is happening to her still. I hate that she was robbed of her words and her songs. I hate being helpless to do anything. I hate that each Mother’s Day I can’t help but reflect back to who my mother was.

My mother is a nurse, a singer, a chef and wife. She is a healer, counselor, friend and partner. She is a Nana, a seamstress, a PTA president, a carpool driver, a water-skier, a bologna sandwich roll-up maker and a prayer warrior. I won’t forget that. I won’t let anyone forget that. Just like her famous tomato sauce and apricot jam. I promise you that mom. I promise you that.

One Year

MichelleR

A year ago this weekend I was finishing up the Young Playwrights Competition at RTAA as Franky and my family finished packing up our house and loading the moving van. I spent the evening being surprised out of my mind at the outpouring of love and well wishes and to this day I wear the watch the board gifted me with every single day. There is part of me that will always remain there as a spirit on that stage that was my home for over 25 years. I have spent a lot of time reflecting this past year and here are some nuggets. This is more of a journal entry so most of it will not make sense to anyone but me. But, feel free to try.

  1. Women are essential: This is a picture of Katie’B. Katie’B was my cubicle mate at Childsplay and acted as my trainer on Patron Manager and a host of other duties. For the past 7 years I had spent almost every single day with my partner, Jennifer, who knew my every nuance and could read me better than I could read myself. I took her for granted and I wish I could go back and spend more time with her outside of work. Katie’B represents the new women I have met since moving here; Arizona is filled with amazing women too! Women who cheer for each other and accept me into their circle without hesitation. I could name so many but if I left even one out I would be remiss. From Childsplay to the City of Peoria to my family living here I have finally been able to take stock in how much other women impact me. I regret being so busy for so long that I missed the opportunity to know the amazing women I left in California. And to my California family and friends who have continued to be a part of my new journey please know I love and value you. I wish we were closer and could be together more. I hate that it took me moving away to know your impact.

2. Having the right partner is paramount: To quote Sinead “Nothing compares to you.” (And you have to sing it to get the full effect) How can I ever feel homesick when home is a person? Home is feeling his support and love. Home is encouragement to pursue whatever my dreams are – including Marie Kondo, bullet journaling, needing an entire room of scrapbooking supplies, traveling, acting – you name it – this man has never discouraged me. Everywhere with him feels like home. When I ask him, “Did we do the right thing?” – and yes, I have asked that, he just grins and says, “well we can’t go back now.” That is how he lives his whole life – he doesn’t wander though the past and ask what if’s. He regrets nothing because it put him exactly where he is today. He lives each day as if it were a new chance, a new start. He doesn’t carry expectations for tomorrow or pull out old scars from the past – and he is teaching me. I love this man with every fiber of my being and I pray that my daughters find a partner like him one day to sit shot-gun with in the great moving van of life. 10-4 Good buddy, come on.

3. Time zones are stupid: I love that I never have to set my clock forward or back. Neener-Neener.

4. Sometimes a theatre goes dark: This one is a difficult subject for me. Someday I may choose to make it public why my personal “theatre” went dark, but not yet. Let’s just say I needed to check my premise (there is only one person who will get that reference). What is beautiful is that it has clarified for me why I love theatre, what I am passionate about, and what my purpose is. To that end – let’s leave it as my “ghost light” is still on.

5. Even a cactus holds beauty: I LOVE the desert. I just love it. Right now the blossoms are getting ready to bud. I feel just like them. Something is getting ready to bloom. I feel it; I will it. I don’t accept a different result. This year has not at all been what I planned or how I planned it. But at the same time I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

“This was reality, she thought, this sense of clear outlines, of purpose, of lightness, of hope. This was the way she had expected to live – she wanted to spend no hour and take no action that would mean less than this.”

Give Me Some of that Marie Kondo Kool-aid, Please.

MichelleR

Step 1: The Challenge

In my continuing quest to better myself and really enjoy my life, I wanted to actually try one of the things I read about. I have a Pinterest type habit of seeing or hearing something I think would be fantastic for me and then “pinning” it to a board in the back of my mind to be lost forever.

I watched the Marie Kondo program on cable a few times and was intrigued by her absolute confidence that you would never go back to old un-tidy habits. I raised my brows as she had clients talk to their clothing. I marveled at how much “stuff” people owned, and how much they could part with. And, part with it happily. So I decided on my latest trip to our fantastic city library to check out her book. And I read it. I found myself agreeing with her; the logic behind her reasoning was making sense. I wanted to try it for myself.

Step 2: Diving in

I announced this plan to Franky who basically rolled his eyes and smiled. But I will prove to him that this was not my knitting, dieting, baking, gardening, exercising, painting, or daily blogging type of commitment. I am serious about this. I want to be happy with less and by God I am going to do it so I can find joy in my damn tidy house!

This is where you come in, my tens of fans. I need the accountability of knowing that someone will follow up. What better way than for me to blog through my steps and show my progress. Plus I really want to follow through on something I start for once. I will not just “pin” this!

This absurd pile is ‘step one’ in the Marie Kondo method: clothes. I love her requirement that you do not clean room by room but by category. I was to take all my clothes from all 3 closets, my dresser, side table and floor and put them in a big pile. She divided them into sub-categories for people with off the chain issues and that is me for sure. This pile is just tops.

Step 3: Don’t sink

At first I just stared at the mountain of clothes (tops ) in front of me, embarrassed by how much I had. Even more ridiculous is that there are sweaters decades old, threadbare and torn shirts, and jackets that look horrible on me. I don’t even wear more than half of this. Yet, I let it accumulate and shove in whatever is new. Enough!

I did exactly what Marie suggested: I held up each top and waiting to see if it made me feel joyful. If it did, I kept it, regardless of size (which is important and I will get to that later) or age. If it didn’t, if I felt it’s usefulness was over, even if it was relatively new, I put it in a bag. At the end of the pile I had five Glad bags full of top. And it felt good to let the clothes go. I kept going. Bottoms, suits/hang-up item like dresses, socks, underwear, bras, swimsuits, even hats, gloves, scarves and belts. It didn’t stop there either. I was so excited and actually felt lighter and lighter as I let things go. I then hit those things sacred to women everywhere:purses and shoes. And even then I was fine. The safety net is that if you really love something you will keep it. So there is nothing to worry about. You will keep everything you love and makes you happy. Even if it doesn’t fit and is faded and worn. If it brings you joy, it belongs with you.

So many of my past attempts at purging were unsuccessful because I would reason that I may loose weight so I’ll keep it. Or the worst idea, if you haven’t worn it in a year throw it out. Those methods didn’t work for me. Kondo’s method did. At the end of the clothing purge I had nine full Glad bags of items to donate. And more closet and drawer space than I ever imagined. One closet will be plenty for me. With at least 1/3 of my unwanted, non-joy-giving, clothes gone for good I am ready for the next steps.

The results of just purging my tops. Five Glad bags filled.

Results: Still Swimming

I can’t say I am anywhere near finished yet. In fact, in her book, Kondo suggests that to fully “tidy-up” you home may take six months to a year. After clothing comes books. And boy will that be a big process. But I am excited and motivated to keep going. I folded all my clothes in the particular way she suggests and put them neatly in the drawers. Now I just have to hang my clothes back up. But I already feel less cluttered, lighter and more organized. I love being able to see every piece I own and that I love each of the pieces I see.

Care to join me?!

Alright, who’s in? I know my daughter Morgan started this even before me and she loves her newly organized closet. I know my friend David in NYC started and was thrilled with getting some space opened up in his dressers. I’d love to hear if you have tried any of Marie Kondo’s suggestions and what tips you might have! Leave me a comment and let me know. I will be posting my progress here as I go along and any other fun tips I get!

Disclaimer

This blogger acknowledges that she knows little to nothing of Arizona, its people or its history. She is however, excited to learn as much as she can. This blog is just her “notes from the journey” on making an epic life changing move. If I get something wrong, meh – get used to it. Blerg.