A year ago this weekend I was finishing up the Young Playwrights Competition at RTAA as Franky and my family finished packing up our house and loading the moving van. I spent the evening being surprised out of my mind at the outpouring of love and well wishes and to this day I wear the watch the board gifted me with every single day. There is part of me that will always remain there as a spirit on that stage that was my home for over 25 years. I have spent a lot of time reflecting this past year and here are some nuggets. This is more of a journal entry so most of it will not make sense to anyone but me. But, feel free to try.
- Women are essential: This is a picture of Katie’B. Katie’B was my cubicle mate at Childsplay and acted as my trainer on Patron Manager and a host of other duties. For the past 7 years I had spent almost every single day with my partner, Jennifer, who knew my every nuance and could read me better than I could read myself. I took her for granted and I wish I could go back and spend more time with her outside of work. Katie’B represents the new women I have met since moving here; Arizona is filled with amazing women too! Women who cheer for each other and accept me into their circle without hesitation. I could name so many but if I left even one out I would be remiss. From Childsplay to the City of Peoria to my family living here I have finally been able to take stock in how much other women impact me. I regret being so busy for so long that I missed the opportunity to know the amazing women I left in California. And to my California family and friends who have continued to be a part of my new journey please know I love and value you. I wish we were closer and could be together more. I hate that it took me moving away to know your impact.
2. Having the right partner is paramount: To quote Sinead “Nothing compares to you.” (And you have to sing it to get the full effect) How can I ever feel homesick when home is a person? Home is feeling his support and love. Home is encouragement to pursue whatever my dreams are – including Marie Kondo, bullet journaling, needing an entire room of scrapbooking supplies, traveling, acting – you name it – this man has never discouraged me. Everywhere with him feels like home. When I ask him, “Did we do the right thing?” – and yes, I have asked that, he just grins and says, “well we can’t go back now.” That is how he lives his whole life – he doesn’t wander though the past and ask what if’s. He regrets nothing because it put him exactly where he is today. He lives each day as if it were a new chance, a new start. He doesn’t carry expectations for tomorrow or pull out old scars from the past – and he is teaching me. I love this man with every fiber of my being and I pray that my daughters find a partner like him one day to sit shot-gun with in the great moving van of life. 10-4 Good buddy, come on.
3. Time zones are stupid: I love that I never have to set my clock forward or back. Neener-Neener.
4. Sometimes a theatre goes dark: This one is a difficult subject for me. Someday I may choose to make it public why my personal “theatre” went dark, but not yet. Let’s just say I needed to check my premise (there is only one person who will get that reference). What is beautiful is that it has clarified for me why I love theatre, what I am passionate about, and what my purpose is. To that end – let’s leave it as my “ghost light” is still on.
5. Even a cactus holds beauty: I LOVE the desert. I just love it. Right now the blossoms are getting ready to bud. I feel just like them. Something is getting ready to bloom. I feel it; I will it. I don’t accept a different result. This year has not at all been what I planned or how I planned it. But at the same time I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
“This was reality, she thought, this sense of clear outlines, of purpose, of lightness, of hope. This was the way she had expected to live – she wanted to spend no hour and take no action that would mean less than this.”
