So, remember that part where I spent about 25 years of my life in community theatre in some form or another? And then, like, Frank and I decided it was time to move to like Arizona or something, and then I like got this other theatre job and like I was all like, ‘I only know theatre and can only work in theatre’? So apparently it turns out I was ready for a bigger change than just moving states.

This week I started my new career at the Peoria Police Department as a Communications Specialist. Yes, I said all those words and they are true. I have turned a corner, well more to the case, I have crossed a bridge, to a new adventure. And as the majority of my friends are also from the theatre world this probably comes as sort of a shock. Maybe not. I don’t know. But let’s assume you are confused, concerned, and possible cranky. (I needed that final alliteration or I would go bonkers.)

I used to think that once you decided to work in theatre you never leave. You grow old there, on that stage or in that lobby, and that your molecules become interchangeable with the molecules in the theatre and you just slowly become a part of the fixtures, lighting and props. And to some extent I think there is truth to the idea that at times the line between your “life” and your passion starts to erase and you are okay with that. The all consuming creating fire you feel is exhilarating and I will not deny that. People admire your dedication, you feel justified in your devotion and for more than two decades I cannot deny that theatre was my purpose. But what if…

Ah, the “what if”! That is the question that started in the back of my mind a short while back. That is the thought that sprouted! What if I have more? What if I am, not greater than – but in addition to, this beautiful beast of a life?! The journey had already started once that question found me. You are apprised of my path already that lead to this blog – but the question now is: You work where?!

First off, I remain steadfastly devoted to my life’s epitaph I came up with over a decade ago. “I never feel like my more authentic self, than when I am on stage pretending to be someone else.” I enjoy occupying the space of other characters and for a moment being an additional self. (Aside:  I have always believed that a small part of myself informs the characters I play so I prefer the term additional to other. ) Didn’t Shakespeare say that all the world is a stage and we but poor players strutting and fretting? (He also said we are idiots in the next line.) But, to my point! Maybe I am more than the one role I had always seen myself in? 

Think of looking into kaleidoscope and as you turn the end the image you see changes and falls into the next one and the next one. Each one beautiful and different and ultimately all a part of a kaleidescope’s entire purpose. That is how I feel about my life. I kept feeling frustrated that the image was changing and falling but when I finally let it, it fell into another image. Equally beautiful and important, just different. 

Look, circumstances put me into a position that forced me to examine the fervor with which I was holding onto the definition of myself. When I finally let go of what I told myself was my purpose and the only thing I was good at I was able to see there was still so many more images of me to see. I am truly excited about this new journey. I am even more excited that I am not by any means in the “swan song” of my performance.

Yes, I will keep attempting to write Children’s Shows and yes, I will go back to stage when I am ready. But for now, I am really enjoying figuring out my current character and what inspires her. Turns out, she’s a real conundrum. 😉