In light of the past few weeks and the looming confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh as our next Supreme Court Justice, I find myself compelled to respond to the many comments on social media and even from members of our legislative branch that have asked the question, “But if this woman was sexually assaulted why didn’t she come forward right after it happened?” As if that is what would make them believe the allegations.

I have a response to them: because it would have made not one damn bit of difference. Let me elucidate.

These woman could have reported it immediately after the assault occurred, they could have seen a doctor, had a rape kit performed, be able to positively identify their attacker and have ligature marks around their necks. And, yet still, be told it is a “he-said, she-said” case that will not be pursued in our courts. How am I so sure of this? I know because I watched it happen.

In 2006 my best friend, Laurie Dishman and I boarded a Mexican Rivera cruise on Royal Caribbean. On the second night of our week-long trip we went up to the dance club to enjoy the night and were approached by two men in ship security guard uniforms who asked to see our ID/room key cards to make sure we were “old enough” to be in the club. We, being trusting people at that time, complied simply because they were ship security. Later that night I dropped Laurie off in our room so she could go to bed while I went back up on deck with Franky (my now husband). The so-called Security Guard went to our room because he knew where it was, knocked on the door and, Laurie, thinking it was me (there were no peep-holes at that time) opened the door.  The security guard pushed his way into our room choked Laurie unconscious and raped her, impacting the tampon inside of her and left. I will not be able to put into words the enduring pain of seeing my best friend come to and the look realization on her face when see realized what happened. Just imagine this being your wife, your daughter, your best friend, yourself.

I immediately and without hesitation called the ship security (which was tricky seeing how it was a guard that just raped her) and what we now know is that the ship was immediately on the phone with corporate trying to figure out how to “handle” us. We were confined to our room after repeatedly asking to leave the crime scene, Laurie was taken to medical only after hours of asking and begging then an expired rape kit was used on her to collect material. The ships officers taking our statements SAT on the bed where she was raped when they came to our room and then we were asked to collect the clothing and bedding as evidence in a garbage bag. We were also accidentally told by a mournful looking security officer that the attacker was actually a janitor in a security guard uniform because they were short-staffed. I am sure he lost his job for trying to help us. After demanding to get off the ship, have the FBI called, speak to the captain, and given a new room, the officers (no women present) called Laurie and I in one at a time to “identify” the crew member. Laurie picked him out of a photographic line up in seconds. She knew who her attacker was.

We were picked up by the FBI from the Long Beach airport and spent hours giving our statements. Though clearly traumatized I still believed Laurie would see justice. That this man would be arrested and tried and Laurie would have the right to face her accuser in a court of law. I. Was. Wrong.

In order to keep this blog to a length shorter than the novel that she and I need to write, here is the result of our reporting “IT” right away. The answer to the question that so many people seem to ask. Not ONE thing happened. The case was thrown out of federal court because there was a lack of evidence.

US: A lack of evidence? We had a rape kit!

THEM: Oh, it appears the rape kit was expired Ms. Dishman and therefore inadmissible.

US: But we have the impacted tampon, the DNA from the sheets and clothing!

THEM: Oh, Ms. Dishman that evidence was compromised because it was all put together in one bag and you collected it yourself so there is no chain of evidence.

US: But the ligature marks on my neck?

THEM: Those photos aren’t very clear.

US: I know who did it, I identified him!

THEM: Well, he claims the sex was consensual so you see Ms. Dishman, it is simply a he-said, she-said case and we do not feel we can win and therefore we will NOT proceed with prosecution.

US: But what about MY rights? Does anyone care about ME?

THEM: Well, Ms. Dishman the law is the law and if you do not like it, feel free to try to change it.

And, by the way, that is just what she did and that is a whole other story. Her attacker never spent on day in jail or the brig. We found out through a private investigator that he continues to work on cruise ships and was transferred to a different line. Reporting it right away did absolutely nothing.

So, is it any wonder that when my beautiful, intelligent, confident daughter was sexually assaulted in college that she cried and kept it to herself? Is it any wonder that the story that has been handed down to her – the legacy we have left her is that no one will believe you no matter when you tell your story. That even if you call for help, and have evidence and try to be brave and speak out it will not yield justice.  So keep it down, girl. Keep it down. Keep yourself so far down that even other woman will step on your truth and be afraid of even their own stories. And we will still pass out the most important robe and gavel a person can hold because “she waited until now to speak up.”

I am so angry I cannot see.